The Talk
by QueenMabOnTheEnterprise
Summary: Set when Thor and Loki were young. Frigga convinces Odin to give his sons 'the talk', something he's not all too sure about.


"What did you boys do today?" Frigga asked her sons at dinner. Thor was now fourteen, Loki thirteen.

Thor looked up from his wild boar and smiled at his mother.

"It was wonderful mother!" he said earnestly, "The Warriors Three and I went adventuring over the mountains. And tomorrow, I'm going to spend the day with Lady Siff."

Loki let out a sigh of boredom and rested his head on his hand.

"What about you, Loki?" Frigga asked her younger son. Loki looked at his mother.

"I went for a walk." he said simply.

"Is that all?" Frigga asked, somewhat concerned.

"Yes."

"Who did you go with?"

"I was on my own." Loki replied, playing with his food with his knife.

Frigga looked at her husband, Odin. He was ravenously eating his second roast wild boar. Frigga gave a cough. Odin looked up, a hoof dangling out of his mouth.

"Odin dearest, may I speak with you after dinner?" Frigga asked.

"Of course, my love." Odin replied, swallowing, "What about?"

"Parent issues." Frigga replied. Loki looked up at his mother, curiosity in his eyes. Thor downed another flagon of mead, oblivious to the conversation around him.

* * *

"What did you want to talk about?" Odin asked his wife after dinner.

Frigga closed the door to their bedroom behind her and turned to her husband.

"Odin, Thor and Loki are growing up." she said.

"Indeed they are." Odin replied. Frigga sighed.

"Look. Thor is spending the day with Siff tomorrow, and Loki is wanting company. Don't you realise what this means?" Odin blinked and thought for a moment.

"That they're improving their social lives?" he ventured. Frigga rolled her eyes and laughed kindly at her clueless husband.

"It means they're becoming interested in girls." she explained. Odin raised both his eyebrows at her.

"Really?" Frigga nodded. "Well, that's splendid! Now I can be assured that they will marry and produce heirs."

"Odin, dear." Frigga said, putting her hands on her husband's shoulders, "I think it's time you gave them 'The Talk'."

Odin gulped.

"'The Talk'? he repeated in an uncertain tone.

"Yes. About where they came from and what to do in that situation."

"But surely they've already had the talk about where they came from?"

"They would have if you'd given it to them." Frigga sighed. She sat down on the bed. Odin looked at her helplessly.

"Frigga, my wife. I don't know how to give them a talk."

"You'll be fine, Odin." said Frigga reassuringly. "Just be honest with them." There was a pause.

"Now?" Odin asked.

"Yes, now." Frigga said, gesturing to the door. Odin sighed, and, with a heavy heart, went to the door.

"Good luck." Frigga called to him as he left.

* * *

"And then we came across a stream guarded by a pack of enormous and ferocious wolves, so we drew out our weapons and beat them to the ground."

Thor looked at his brother, who was lying on his back, throwing a ball up and catching it when it fell. Thor was telling him the tale of his day's adventures. Loki however, seemed less than enthusiastic.

"Why didn't you just ask the wolves if you could cross the stream?" he asked, not looking at his brother.

"Why, they would have eaten us whole." Thor said.

"How do you know that? They may just have been there to drink." Thor said nothing, then laughed to himself.

"Ah, little brother. You have much to learn." He ruffled his younger brother's hair. Loki pulled away from him and smoothed it back down. Loki very much disliked his brother sometimes.

There was knock a the door, and the brothers' father stepped through, looking very nervous indeed.

"Father! What brings you here?" Thor asked as Odin stepped into the room and closed the door behind him.

"Is something wrong, father?" Loki asked, sitting up.

"No, Loki, nothing is wrong." Odin said, coming further into the room, "I'm here to talk to you both."

"What of?" Thor asked, sitting down on a chair. Both he and Loki looked at their father expectantly. Odin sighed and sat down on a large golden arm chair opposite both of the brothers. He paused, and Thor and Loki waited for him to speak.

"You are both," Odin began hesitantly, "growing up to be fine, handsome young boys, which is excellent. But you still have things to learn, about life and relationships." He took a deep breath in. Loki cautiously asked,

"Is that what you want to talk to us about, father?" Odin nodded.

"Yes, Loki. It is. In fact, it's a talk I should have had with you a while ago." He took another breath. "I'm sure you've both wondered where you come from."

"Well, from Asgard, father." Thor laughed. Odin sighed at his son's obliviousness.

"Yes, Thor, but where you come from. How you came into being." Loki eyed his brother.

"I don't quite follow father." Thor said. Loki put his face in his hand.

"OK, here goes." Odin said to himself. "When a man and a woman love each other very much..."

* * *

"...and that is where babies come from." Odin finished. He looked at his two sons. Thor was staring at his father, confused. Loki sat wide-eyed and open-mouthed.

"Father, I don't understand." Thor said, "How does the man get his thing to stay up?"

"Well, Thor, it's because the blood keeps it up."

"But, why?"

"Because the man is... excited, so the body tells the blood to keep it up." Thor thought about this for a moment. Loki's facial expression still hadn't changed.

"But then... how does the body know?"

"It just does, Thor. It just does." Odin answered.

"And, why does the woman get pregnant and not the man? And how does the baby not kill her?"

"It's called evolution. It's just how things work."

"But I don't understand."

"You will." Odin looked at his younger son. He was still sitting with the same expression on his face.

"Loki?" Loki closed his mouth for a moment.

"I think I am emotionally scarred for the rest of my life." he said.

"Well, everyone does it, everyone old enough anyway." Odin said, "Even your mother and I." Loki's eyes widened even further, and he covered them with his hands.

"Oh no! Mental picture!" he screamed. Thor was still looking confused.

"Why do you tell us this now, father?" he asked.

"Well," Odin began, "you are both getting older, and more interested in girls. One day, you'll both want to..."

"Oh, even worse!" Loki cried, covering his eyes again.

"Don't be ridiculous, Loki." Odin said in a fairly stern voice. "I'm sure one day you'll meet a nice girl who you like a lot. You too, Thor. The lady Siff perhaps."

"But she is my friend." Thor said

"Yes, but maybe she won't always be."

"Are you saying we won't be friends?"

"No," Odin said, getting rather exasperated, "I'm saying maybe one day you'll be something more."

"I think I'm going to be sick." Loki said, clutching his stomach. Odin stood up.

"Look, boys. I know it may be a lot to take in, but you'll get used to it. And tomorrow, I can tell you about what to do in the situation of..."

"You mean there's more?" Loki said, looking up at his father in a panic. "Oh, God."

"I will see you both in the morning." Odin said, going to the door. He left and Thor and Loki at in silence for a moment.

"So... does that mean lady Siff and I are going to have children?" Thor asked.

"Shut up, Thor." Loki said, throwing a pillow at his brother.

* * *

"How did it go?" Frigga asked her husband on his return.

"Well, I think." he replied, "Although I think Loki may have a hard time accepting the knowledge."

"He's young. He'll come to understand it in time." Frigga said. "What about Thor?"

"We're going to have a lot of questions from that boy." Odin replied, sitting down on the bed.

"It'll all be fine in the end. We were. I mean, what was it like when your father had the talk with you?"

"He didn't." Odin replied, "He gave me a book." Frigga laughed to herself.

"They'll grow up to be lovely young men." she said reassuringly to her husband, "Just like their father." Odin smiled at his wife.

"Shall we go to bed? I've had quite enough excitement for one day."

So they went to bed. Just after they turned out the light in their room, they heard a cry of,

"Oh my God! The Nightmares!"

"Goodnight, Loki." Frigga called back.


End file.
